Navigating the sticky, jam-covered road of life.  

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The times that try my soul

Being married to an attorney isn't easy.  In the beginning, I wasn't always fair.  I didn't necessarily understand the long hours.  If you go into work at 6 am, you should be able to go home at 4.  Right?  That's what I did.  I was (more than) a little hurt when he wanted to go out for drinks with people after work.  I think I was probably lonely.  I don't carry around my  "bag" with me anymore, but I do think most of our fights that first year were about work.  You know the bag, right?  It's the place where you tuck every argument, fight, and nasty comment in order to pull it out in the middle of the next argument.  

It took me a long time to realize that I was making this so much harder on him.    I had the power to help him, or hurt him, and I was hurting him.  The realization that he didn't want to be at work was a major one.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Maybe it took having children to make me realize that.  He wanted, more than anything, to be home with us.  Todd works because he has to.  We are where he wants to be.  Huge difference.  

After that, I just let it go.  Told him that we love him, we miss him, and we'd be here when he got home.  And I've got to tell you, it's made life SO much easier.  Now it doesn't mean he works fewer hours.  Quite the contrary, I'm afraid he probably works more hours now than he ever did before.  But I know that every hour he's at work is another hour he'd rather be here.  Whatever it is he has to face at work, at least he knows that he won't come home to an irate wife.  Well, most of the time.  

That being said, these last few weeks have been really hard on me.  It was Christmas, and all I wanted to do was be with my husband and children.  It took a lot for me not to beg him to come home before dinner on Christmas Eve.  I realized today, that we've not had a family dinner together this year.  We do what we can.  Sometimes we have breakfast together (it is the most important meal of the day, after all), and sometimes we drive up and meet him for lunch.  But because we're trying to save like crazy that doesn't happen too often.  I know these 18-20 hour days are awfully hard on him.  I can't bring myself to make it harder.  So, dear readers, I'm venting to you.  

To the (SLAVE DRIVERS) lovely people who (TREAT MY HUSBAND LIKE A MULE) employ my husband:

I know we've become accustomed to crazy things like a roof over our heads, and food on our table.  Trust me, I want that to continue.  But do you realize that you are (SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF HIM) making it difficult for him to have a life outside of work?  I would like you to know that he leaves (AT THE BUTT CRACK OF DAWN) early in the morning, and comes home well after his girls have gone to bed.  And then, dear (SLAVE DRIVERS) employers, he often works at the kitchen table for several more hours.  I know you would be far happier if he just moved into the office.  After all, his chair is quite comfortable.  However, that just doesn't seem right when you leave work at much closer to 4 pm everyday.   

I also think that perhaps you could benefit from a lesson on managing.  Someone told me, a long time ago, that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.  Now I don't always subscribe to this theory, but my husband does.  Just once, please say "thank you." Try it out sometime.  It might flow a lot easier than you think it will.  I know it's a gateway word.  It could lead to saying things like please, have a great day, great job.  But none of these are four letter words.  And your employees might actually appreciate them (WHILE YOU BEAT THEM WITH WHIPS).  

OK.  Rant over.  I had to get it out of my system before the Annual Firm Dinner tomorrow night.  I'm much less likely to snipe now.  I know Todd appreciates it.  

Thanks for all your hard work, honey.  

1 comment:

Motherhood Uncensored said...

Yeah, the huz would much rather be home, but I refuse to listen to him complain about being away when he's staying at Prague castle and eating first class food on the plane.

I'm trying to swallow the fact that it's just how it is and not take it out on him, BUT if he complains about being tired...

I do sort of get annoyed.