A Memorandum From The Child

I've been taking this incredible seminar for the past few weeks.  I've debated putting this on the blog.  It totally blew my mind, but it's not my work.  Seriously though. Read it aloud.  (That's actually important.)  Think about it.  I know it's long, but it's completely worth it.  

*I'm trying to learn the difference between my needs and my impulses.  I need and really want you to help me set my limits.  I don't need my every whim and fancy catered to.

*"No" is not always a put-down.  Sometimes "no" is the most appropriate answer you can give me.

*I'm inclined to think you're perfect and infallible.  Please allow yourself to give me the comfort of knowing you make mistakes too.  An honest apology from you to me makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.

*Be clear and firm with me.  This lets me know where I am and helps me to be secure in my relationship with you.

*Be my guide and I will usually follow.  If you are forceful with me, I learn that power is all that counts.

*Please be consistent.  I get so confused if your expectations and directions fluctuate randomly.

*I'm inclined to trust you absolutely.  Since promises may be impossible to keep, let's not use them.

*Sometimes I may act like I'm trying to provoke you.  Please help me regain my inner balance by showing me that you can keep yours.

*Sometimes I may want you to feel bad for what I think you've done to me.  You might try leaving me alone or giving me a response that lets me know you recognize how upset I am.

*I thrive on respect.  If I feel belittled, I may try to compensate by acting like a bully and a big-shot.

*Please give me enough time and freedom to do things for myself.  I will think I am incapable if you do "my" things for me.  I want to feel competent.

*I might experiment with some unacceptable mannerisms or activities.  If you give lots of attention to it, you are giving me a reason to make the experiment a habit.

*Sometimes I will behave inappropriately in public situations.  Please quietly take me aside and give me a choice to leave or use proper behavior.

*I can't participate in a discussion about my behavior in the heat of a conflict.  My hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse.  It's all right to take the necessary action, but let's not talk about it until later.

*Let's be gracious with mistakes.  I need to know I can make mistakes without feeling that I'm no good.

*Nagging is really hard to listen to.  If I fail to follow through the first time you speak clearly to me, logical consequences of my actions will help me remember the next occasion.

*Please be careful with my innate honesty.  I am easily frightened into telling lies.

*Sometimes I really don't know why I do things.  If you require an explanation, I will probably have to make one up.

*I will appreciate your patience for putting up with my experimentation.  It's my best way of learning.

*I learn from experience so please don't overly protect me from "my" consequences.  The more experience I have, the better my judgement will be.

*My body has great recuperative powers so my small ailments don't need too much notice.  I may learn to expect poor health if it results in a lot of your attention.

*Honest questions need honest answers because this is one important way I learn.  Sometimes I may ask silly or meaningless questions without end.  I just want to keep you busy with me.

*I resent lectures on right and wrong.  My moral judgement is quite astute.  Please give me credit and the opportunity to exercise it.

*Sometimes I am fearful.  Please give me encouragement without belittling my feelings.

*The quality and quantity of the time we spend together is very important to my well-being.

*I am more open to learn from a model than a critic.  Treat me as you treat your friends, then I will be a friend too.